Girlfriends. Peeps. Tribe.

Girlfriends. Your peeps. The ones in your circle. Your tribe.

As many of you may know last fall I celebrated my 42nd birthday. That weekend, my three guys left for Minnesota on Thursday morning which meant I had the next almost four days to myself. I love my guys tremendously and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. However as women we tend to be designed to give and give and give some more without really opening ourselves to receiving.

My Guys. Love them to pieces but all the more reason why I need my girls.

Which brings me to Thursday. I had a bit of a tough week at work. On break I was scrolling through Facebook mindlessly passing the time, and came across a post in a group of mine. The post was about being 40 something, a mother, dealing with weakened bladders, graying hair and other random things that our bodies do after giving birth and aging not always so gracefully. I commented on the post and the original poster responded. Which brought about the idea to connect a friend of mine with some experience in creating private Facebook groups and this particular woman.

It was a gorgeous day outside and living in North Eastern North Dakota, by the middle of October, these are few and far between. I went home and did some yard work until it got dark. On a whim I decided to go to town to buy light bulbs as we seemed to have an abundance of burnt out bulbs. On my short drive to town my car overheated. We have had a few issues leading up to this point but not this bad. I call our friend Mike and asked if he had a spare vehicle for me. Long story short I was able to use an extended family members 1995 canary yellow Ford Ranger with a 5-speed on the floor (Such a happy little pickup! I think next time I am struggling with having a positive attitude I may just ask to borrow it for a day or two!!)

My little drive to town at 7 brought me home after 9 at which time I had a bowl of cereal for supper and went to bed.

Friday I went to work as normal. After lunch I ran Uptown to the local drug store to pick up some allergy meds. I came out, hopped in my little yellow pickup and watched as an elderly woman came walking down the sidewalk tripped and fell. I jumped out of the pickup as another woman walking down the sidewalk came running to this fallen woman. The Other Woman had on her scrubs and mentioned that she worked at the local Clinic. She and I helped the elderly woman up. She ensured that the lady was okay and reminded her that if anything started to hurt more to just stop in to the clinic. It made me start thinking. Thinking about sometimes in life you are in the right place at the right time. Thinking about how gracefully the other bystander handled the situation. And it reminded me of why I was looking so forward to spending the evening with one of my best girlfriends.

One of my Bestest Friends ever since living next door to each other in the dorm at college.

Fast forward several hours and I am in Fargo. We had supper as a group and headed back to the hotel where we relaxed and visited. Later that night my mind wandered again to that random Facebook post, a Good Samaritan on the sidewalk and why we all need our girlfriends in our lives.

Saturday morning I got up early after a few restless hours of sleep and headed to the BeeHive in Reynolds North Dakota. I met up with another friend, her husband and their girls and some others for a normal ritual Saturday morning breakfast. After breakfast Miss K, her girls and I headed to a craft show. We shopped. We laughed. I found a slide for Miss B to burn off some energy and we headed back to Kay’s house. We relaxed for a while and then left for the UND men’s hockey game. As Kay and I were eating supper she gave me my birthday card and we had quite the discussion of all the things we as women don’t tell other women that we really should. (Think issues post-childbirth.) We laughed and we laughed some more.

Miss K. Another bestest friend thanks to our tractor loving guys. (It’s our 10 year anniversary this year.)

Off to the hockey game (which thankfully the Fighting Sioux gave me a win for my birthday present) and then I came home to my quiet house. I thought about all of the social media birthday wishes I received. All the text messages. The phone calls. Even old fashioned birthday cards in the mail. I really am a pretty lucky girl.

Sunday morning I went to church and I sat and listened as our new female Pastor was formally installed. I sang along with our amazing worship band. I watched a newborn little girl be baptized.

I pondered the words on my bracelet on my wrist. “She believed she could so she did.” Surrounded by three charms given to me by my Rockstar. Soccer mom, beautiful, and a glass of red wine. And in that moment I realized that if we as women are going to raise strong independent women that we need to step up all of our games. My husband had drove sugar beet truck all night so he was home sleeping. I went to Panera and enjoyed a bagel. I had shared a random social media post to which I received some backlash to which I responded and of course those dishing out the backlash disappeared into the dark corners of social media rather than engage in a truly meaningful conversation with me. Girlfriends. It’s in times like these that you need your girlfriends. It is now Tuesday and one of my girlfriends is still responding with additional facts about said post.

My tribe.

Tuesday I ended up staying home with a stomach bug. Sent a text to my boss. Dropped kids off at school. Chatted with hubby. Turned my phone on vibrate and fell asleep on the couch for three hours. Woke up to our friend Mike saying “hey Deb?!?” I responded with “hey Mike, what’s up?” He told me he was just checking to see if I was alive or ok or what was going on!

You see normally if I am not going to be at work on time or if something comes up I drop a line to my boss AND another co-worker. In my I-really-don’t-want-to-puke-just-let-me-sleep state of mind, I FORGOT to include the other coworker. I also forgot that the boss was out of the office doing farm visits. Which lead to two co-workers/friends trying to call and text me to no avail. Tried hubby….no luck as he was in a business meeting. Finally contacted Mike and Kay. I slept thru their calls and texts too. Which lead Mike and one of his cousins driving to my house to see what was going on. Girlfriends that know you well enough to know when things just don’t add up and then call in more friends.

6 days from when I started writing this post, a new Facebook group exists called R.E.A.L Women’s Tribe. (Reaffirming, Educating, Authentically Living Life). If you fit the title search it out.

Life is hard. We all have our own trials, tribulations and struggles. Who do you call on in those times? Who can call on you? During this time of new life, new beginnings and spring….take a moment and thank your girlfriends for being who they are and for being willing to climb in the muddy trenches with you.

Keep believing,

Deb

This Changes Everything

Faith. Fear. Castaway. Calvary. Parenthood. Music. Social media. Friends. Beer and Hymns.

A random group of words but not so random.

This Changes Everything.

My first encounter with this phrase was earlier this year as a newly written song by a dear friend Nolan Weisz (and his friend Jon Dahl.) The “this” is about the death and rising of our savior Jesus Christ. (Take a listen here  This Changes Everything!)

The “this” is about becoming more Christ-like in our everyday living. “This” is about becoming better disciples.

This song is still my go-to no matter what is going on in my life. What the “this” is changes constantly. However the “this” truly does change everything.

Faith Changes Everything. Faith can truly change everything. Faith can be your guide through the hard times. Faith can be your sunshine making the good times better. Faith as your religion. Faith in your friends and family. Faith in those that show kindness. Faith that the sun will rise again tomorrow.

Another gorgeous sunrise on my way to work. Faith in a new day dawning.

Fear changes everything. Fear can be useful and protect us from danger. However, fear more frequently paralyzes us. The fear of the unknown. The fear of the future. The fear of failure. The fear of others opinions. The fear of death. The fear of life. Are you fulfilling your life’s calling or are you living in fear of your calling? What if your calling isn’t your day job? What fear is holding you back? If you face that fear will it change everything?

Castaway changes everything. Castaway is a camp/retreat near Detroit Lakes, Minnesota that is run by Young Life. It is an amazing place. Thanks to my Rockstar I accompanied him and several other middle schoolers to a weekend retreat at Castaway. The main musician for the weekend had also wrote a song called “This Changes Everything”. It is very different from Nolan’s but no less powerful. Castaway changes youth. Castaway changes adults. Castaway changed me and my view of the youth of today. There are good people in the world trying their best to be kind and spread joy. These youth are learning to use their faith to conquer fear and “change everything”.

My Sunday morning view from Castaway. Peace.

Calvary changes everything. The Calvary from biblical times truly changed everything in the Christian world. My Calvary is my church. My Calvary changes everything. Calvary is not just a beautiful building here in Grand Forks but my church home. The people here have accepted me and more importantly my boys. Calvary engages my boys in their Christian education and then they bring me to Castaway. Sometimes it’s a sermon. Sometimes it’s the music. Always it is the people. It’s volunteering at Holy Grounds, our coffee shop. It is watching tons of little kids go up for Kids Time. It is having the chance to throw your pennies in a dish held by a little set of hands, knowing that every penny matters.

Parenthood changes everything. Parenthood brings joy, sadness, worry, contentment, and so much more. It is impossible to not be changed by parenthood. There might be stretch marks and an out-of-shape midriff. There will be deep love, deep joy and tears of sadness and joy. My boys have changed me and continue to change me daily. Those of us that are raising kiddos with special needs know that “this changes everything” is even a bigger saying and life moment.

Little Bear with a friends foster dog. They became good buds in two nights.

Music changes everything. I’ve always had a deep love of music. Growing up, music was always on the radio. I’ve listened to polkas and waltz’s, the oldies, classic rock, old country, new country, hip-hop, current pop, Christian rock, church hymns and everything in between. Music brings my soul to life. I’ve played piano and clarinet. I love to sing (my car is my studio.) My Bose radio is one possession I don’t think I could live without. My Rockstar has played cello and alto sax. Little Bear is learning to play the drums. We make up silly songs. When my boys were little and had a hard time settling down I would sing “Amazing Grace” and “Jesus Loves Me” to them. When I am struggling I find myself listening to Nolan and Jon with Good Shepherd Worship. The combination of their musical skills and the songs they sing ground me and give me hope. It may change my mood, my attitude, my day or my moment, but it always changes something.

Social media changes everything. Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter or whatever you may use changes everything. Sometimes for good. Sometimes for bad. I enjoy social media for catching news blurbs, sharing my kids with our distant family and friends, connecting with people who I may never connect with otherwise. The scary is the online bullies for our youth and even ourselves. It can consume our minds and time and take us away from truly important interactions. The always happy and always perfect picture we paint can intensify feelings of anxiety, depression, and inadequacy in others. Good or bad? What are you changing with your use of social media?

My Rockstar hanging out with mom. I know these times may dwindle in the coming teenage years.

Friends change everything. Friends open their homes to you for a place to sleep when out-of-town for doctor appointments.

My dear friend Lisa. Her home becomes our home when we are in St. Paul for Little Bears appointments. She even let us crash her birthday this fall. Such an amazing person!

Friends give you their hockey ticket so you can hang out together.

Kay and I with Miss B at her very first UND hockey game. I’m grateful to Mike for willingly giving up his ticket some nights so we girls can hang out.

Friends decipher IEP’s (Individual Education Plan) for your kids. Friends make supper. Friends do not care when your house and your life is a mess. Friends call or text for no reason. Friends push you out of your comfort zone. Friends will face your fear with you. Friends change our life picture from gray to vibrant and colorful. They add rainbows and sunshine and pure craziness!

Friends are made at all places and all times in our lives. From school, to the neighborhood to places like Castaway and Calvary. Friends are made in Parenthood. Friends make music together, they go to concerts together. They will randomly break into song with the right phrase. Music brings friends together for Beer and Hymns.

Beer and Hymns changes everything. Imagine sitting in a small brewery enjoying a beer with a cousin and some friends. Imagine listening to your favorite music while enjoying a beer. Imagine combining all that into an evening. Good Shepherd Lutheran Church in Moorhead, Minnesota does just this. Some of their musicians come out to a little brewery called Junkyard Brewery in Moorhead (Check them out – they have great beer too!) where they play church hymns and songs of worship while enjoying a beer with new and old friends.

Hymns & Beer with Good Shepherd Worship at Junkyard Brewery in Moorhead, MN

I have a cousin that attends that church. I have a friend and musician, Nolan, that works for that church. The three of us are connected on social media. The two of them know another woman in Grand Forks who enjoys their music and the beer. My cousin connected the two of us on Facebook. We realize we both go to Calvary. We are both fans and friends of Nolan’s. We both love music. We connect on social media and end up car pooling to Hymns and Beer one Sunday evening in November to join my cousin, some other friends and many other people to sing with Nolan. It was truly good for my soul.

When we are open to the universe things change. When we have a little faith things change. When we face our fears things change. When we go to new or old places with an open and kind heart things change. When we sing and dance things change. When we drink beer with a new-found friend things change.

A smile. A kind word. A chance. A little fear. A lot more faith. A friend. A song. A beer. These are just some of my “This” in This Changes Everything.

In this season of Christmas and parties and cookies and sometimes chaos, take a moment and enjoy the music. What is your “this”? What will you do or say that may be someone elses “this”? Is it a family tradition? Or a favorite cookie recipe? Is it seeing family? Is it forgiving someone? Is it simply a smile to a stranger? Whatever it is, find your “this”.

May your light shine brightly and change everything,

Deb

PS: for more musical motivation from Nolan and Jon follow them on Facebook. I made it easy….use these links.

You can connect with Good Shepherd Worship on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/goodshepherdworship/

Nolan Weisz Music on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nolanweiszmusic/

Jon Dahl Music on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jondahlmusic/

Mom.Sister.Friend.

My original intent when I started this post before Mother’s Day was to honor all Mom’s.  But my Mom life happened and I didn’t finish it. Spring. Garden planting. End of school year. Husband started a new job. Chaos. So here I am.  It’s the middle of June.  The boys are on vacation with Grandpa and Grandma to a tractor show.  (More on that a little later) and I have some precious quiet me time.

Little Bear and Rockstar posing with the favorite tractor of Day 1 of the Red Power Roundup 2016.

Our very awesome church, Calvary Lutheran, here in Grand Forks always has something going on. One of our pastors is leading a three-week book study on the book “How To Be Here” by Rob Bell. After all it is week one and I don’t have kids so I bought the book. Funny thing is once I started reading the book it was as though it was wrote for me and where I’m at right now in life. Tonight was night one of our lawn chair book study. We are outside.  It is a fabulous evening.  Almost instantly I am reminded of how fortunate I am to be surrounded by loving and caring women. Our group was small but yet perfect.  There were women my age and slightly older and slightly older and perhaps even slightly older. I looked at all these women and I thought “Wow! You inspire me.”  I looked at some of these women sharing their personal stories and I thought I am not alone! Someone else is at the same point in her life which means I am not alone!

What’s so poignant about this picture? – it shows a line of little girls holding hands facing the immensity of ocean waves.
Alone they might be washed away, but together they stand strong.

Yes, it is true.  We NEED our girlfriends in our lives.  We need our mothers and grandmothers and sisters in our lives.  We need our friends from work and from church and high school and college and from down the street.  We need women younger than us in our lives and women older than us in our lives.

From my surprise birthday party last year. A few of my VIP women.

You see when times get tough as they always do, you need these other women.  Yes our spouses or partners are important.  Yes our kids are important.  But when the proverbial *&$% hits the fan – you need your girlfriends.  They may not live next door anymore.  They may not live in the same state anymore.  One text. One email.  One Snapchat.  One phone call.  And they are next to you in spirit.  They will cry with you.  They will cry for you.  They will laugh with you.  They will laugh for you.  They will inspire you.  They will give you hope.

The women tonight inspired me and gave me hope.  This is the incredible thing about women.  I may not even remember their first names come next week but for tonight, they lifted me up.

So to any of you women reading this, take a moment and reach out to one of the women in your life.

My besties from Moorhead State. This was taken several years ago now but it is still a favorite.

Back to my Mother’s Day post.   I celebrated that day with a happy heart.  I am blessed to have two wonderful sons who love me and need me.  That Sunday morning if I heard “Mom!” once….I heard it 20 times and that is not much of an exaggeration!  I found myself starting to get frustrated but then I stopped.  Said no.  I’m one of the lucky ones.

I thought of my own Mom.  Successfully raised 8 kids and now has 14 Grandkids, 3 Great-Grandkids and more on the way!  She used to have a house filled with chaos and noise and fighting and dirty clothes and “I’m hungry’s!”  Now she is in that same beautiful home – alone.  It is quiet. There is no fighting and very little laundry and no one begging for cookies.  She reminds me every now and then to appreciate my current chaos.  As she says

– “I’d give almost anything to have just a little bit of your noise.”

A very special memorial for all those who lost a child to miscarriage.

Mother’s Day weekend I had the opportunity to support a dear friend of mine who suffered a miscarriage this spring.  Mother’s Day weekend.  A painful reminder of what was lost.  Locally our hospital holds a service for all that have lost a child to a miscarriage as a chance for families to grieve.  To go to the cemetery and celebrate those lost children and the impact they will forever have.  It was an incredible event.  I applaud them for providing this service and chance to grieve.   I’ve been there.  Back to my days before my boys.  I think back to the miscarriage.  My very first chance at motherhood – lost.  The heartbreak is real.  I think of all my friends and family that have suffered one or more miscarriages and the grief they feel and how Mother’s Day weekend can be very difficult.   Grief.  It stinks.  It’s an elephant in the room.  No one wants to talk about.  No one wants to feel it.  Just forget about it and it will go away.  Pretend it never happened.  STOP!  We need to talk about it.  We need to feel it.  It’s impossible to forget it and it will never go away (it gets better but it doesn’t go away.)  And it did happen. And on that Saturday I was reminded that regardless of age and regardless of race and regardless of religion that we are all painfully the same.  Every woman there was dealing with grief.  If not for ourselves, for someone else.

That is what it is all about.

We are not alone.

Woman.

There are other women out there going through what you are.

Woman.

You are not alone.

As much as someone may inspire you……YOU at this very moment are INSPIRING someone else.

I want to close with some things I’ve learned from the women in my life:

1.  Mom’s really do have eyes in the back of their heads….once you become a Mom they just appear.

2.  Dirty clothes, dirty dishes and dirty floors are a blessing.  It means you have clothes to wear, food to eat and people in your life that care enough to make your floor dirty.  Appreciate it.

3.  You don’t have to live up to every title given.  All mother-in-laws are not evil.  I  for one got a good one who supports me and our family more than I ever dreamed of.

4.  Never give up who you are.  If you love to fish and love sports – never stop fishing and never stop yelling at the refs or throwing foam bricks at those “darn Vikings!”  Thanks Great Grandma Esther for installing the love of sports in my boys.

5.  Always boil an extra potato.  You never know who might stop by at meal time.

6.  Know the spoon trick.  Small spoons make food go farther and big spoons make food disappear.  Trust me.  It works.  So if a few extra’s show up at meal time, use a small spoon in the serving dish.

7.  Always have something in the freezer.  An old friend stops by for coffee – get the cookies out or frozen dessert out.  Guaranteed it is impossible to stop by my Mom’s without getting dessert.

8.  Plant your flowers where YOU will see them.  If you are going to put the time and effort into them, make sure you can enjoy them.  Mine are visible from my kitchen sink and the dining room table as with growing boys that is where I spend a significant amount of time.

9.  Shopping.  Shoes.  Gardening.  Painting.  Even if it’s not your thing, if you do it with a friend, it can be a blast!

10.  You are never too old to be what you want to be when you grow up.  I had the honor of meeting a woman tonight who was ordained as a pastor at age 59.  There is still hope for me to figure this life out!

11.  Jesus turned water into wine to share with his friends.  There is a reason why a bottle of wine serves more than just one.  It is best when shared. (If anyone needs help with a bottle of wine, let me know.  I’m willing and able.)

12.  Love the men in your life but never let them replace the women in your life.

Till next time,

Deb

PS:  The really smart men in the world already know about #12….and they encourage you to keep up with the women in your life.