I am going to start by saying this post will make some of you cringe. Sorry. Not sorry.
For the past weeks our social media feeds, news, and even YouTube ads have turned political. I have 3 things to say about that.
1. You have the right to vote. USE IT. No complaining about the state of our country unless you are willing to do something about it.
2. We have a pretty cool political system with parties and representation and check and balances. Civics 101. I challenge you to go to this link and read through the 100 questions on the civics naturalization test. (Aka – the test immigrants have to pass to become US citizens. Also required to graduate high school in Several states, ND included.)
3. Stop the political garbage ads. Tell me what you stand for. Stop smearing your opponents name. (Some might call this idea respectful.)
Privilege: according to a quick Google search means:
We hear such terms as white privilege, male privilege, financial privilege. Every one of these (and more) do exist. In every family. In every community. In your town. In your schools. In your state. And certainly in our country. If you disagree with me, well you are WRONG.
This summer at a leadership event attended by 30ish people, all but two were white, nearly all lived their lives in the upper Midwest. We all stood in a line and took a step forward or backward if questions pertained to us. At the end we took a look around and you SAW the definition of privilege. Questions like have you ever felt threatened walking alone from your car to work. Did you grow up with parents who had education beyond high school? Did your family ever rely on food stamps to survive? Do you have to work more than one job to pay your monthly bills?
For a group of very similar looking, acting people, this was an eye opening thing. Those people way in front at the end came from “privilege”. I fell somewhere in the middle.
If you Google safety tips for high school girls you will have a very long list of tips. If you google safety tips for high school boys you get a list of general things like listen to your parents, be careful what you post online but nothing specific for males. Think about that. 20+ years ago at freshman orientation at a liberal arts school we were told as young women to not walk alone at night, to carry your keys as a weapon, to always lock all your doors all the time, to always let your roommate or friend know where you were going and who with. Never go to a fraternity party alone and always have someone that will stay sober to watch out for you. The list goes on…. The special list for guys: None. This is male privilege. I don’t go to Walmart after dark for fear of my safety. My husband can though. I carry my keys in such a way that I could utilize them as a weapon if needed. Most men don’t even know what that means. Male privilege.
White privilege. This is probably the hardest to describe as a white woman. I’ve had the privilege of getting to know a guy that lives this every day. A black man living in the predominantly white state of ND. We were in a group conversation about approaching businesses for potential donations for a nonprofit. I thought sure no problem. His question, do we have some kind of document or brochure to use with “the ask” as I will probably get the “look” as a strange black man asking for handouts. Some managers will just assume I’m trying to scam them out of something for myself versus a true non-profit. Hmmmm never crossed my mind. White Privilege.
So I ask you, have you ever seen a black man walking down the street while you were out for a walk? What did you do? Watch over your shoulder? Change to the other side of the street? Take a different route? Why? Out of fear? What if it was a white man? Would you act the same? That is white privilege.
If you were scheduled for open heart surgery and a black man walked in the room …would you think he was the surgeon? A nurse? Or a maintenance man?
Would you think differently if it was a woman? A native American? A Muslim woman wearing a hijab (the head scarf)? A middle age white man?
Be honest with yourself …..what would you really think? Doesn’t mean you are racist or sexist just that unconsciously we are biased. If one of each of those people walked in and you had to pick who the surgeon is, I am going to go out on a limb and say a large number would pick the white person. That is white privilege.
If you as a white woman married a black man and you go back home to your 99% white community, do you fear for his safety? If you married a white man would his safety in the community ever cross your mind? That is white privilege.
Financial privilege. That must refer to those people living in the big city with multi-million dollar homes that send their kids to elite boarding schools and colleges right? Yes it does.
What about kids growing up in a suburban community with two working parents, two cars, a dog, a nice home, name brand clothes, going to public school? That’s financial privilege.
What about kids growing up with a single parent, working full time, living in an apartment, sporting new to them nice clothes, going to a neighborhood public school? That’s financial privilege.
All of the preceding examples are different levels of financial privilege. It’s not about who has more or who is better off. It’s about appreciating what you have and helping out others when you can.
Grand Forks public schools started something new this year. They are participating with http://www.Purposity.com. this is a website for local non-profits, social workers, and schools to list items needed right in your own community. Anyone that wants to help simply clicks the link to items on Amazon, purchases and in a few mouse clicks you may changed someone’s world. This is USING your financial privilege to help others.
So a quick look through the items needed on the Purposity website shows things like leggings for a young girl. Diapers for a family with a newborn. Cookware so that a family can cook their own meals. Large size pull ups for an older child with a disability so they can attend school without having bathroom accidents making them prone to judgment and being picked on by their peers. Those of us that don’t have to be on those lists are in a position of financial privilege.
As many of you know I am involved with some of our nonprofits in the state of ND for individuals with disabilities. I recently had the opportunity to watch one of my fellow members give a demonstration of her wheelchair. This young woman is a spitfire and someone I admire greatly. Her old wheelchair was literally falling apart. Her mechanic deemed it no longer safe for her to use even though Medicaid and insurance companies said she had to continue to use it for several more months before they would finance a new one.
She had tipped over her old chair more than once. Her new chair has 6 wheels allowing greater stability, and is made in such a way that it is impossible for her to have screws fall out or parts fall off. She can stand in it as well as lay flat. It is truly life-changing for her. It’s price tag? $60,000. Partially paid for by Medicaid and the rest from a grant from the Great American Bike Race.
For those of you that have no concept of what it might be like to rely on an safe, electric wheelchair versus an older, unsafe, broken model, let me try to give you an example. Imagine that you work in a factory setting. You work 12 hours a day standing on concrete assembling parts. You are required to wear steel-toed shoes for safety. (Anyone that has ever worked for an extended period of time on their feet, on concrete, knows that proper support in your shoes is the difference between coming home and being able to function and coming home in excruciating pain.) Good comfortable steel-toed shoes may cost you a minimum of $200. Some companies may even partially reimburse you for that. Now imagine for just a moment that you were told that you had to go to a bigbox store, buy a $20 pair of shoes then proceed to work in them 12 hours a day every day for the next two years. Could you do it? Would you want to throw out the shoes and just go get a new, better, more usable pair?
That is what it is like for someone who uses a wheelchair that does not accommodate their disability and their needs. Except instead of a $200 pair of shoes we are talking a $60,000 wheelchair. Insurance won’t pay, you can’t get to work and no one is willing to help support the cost. The only way a person that needs a chair for mobility can get a job and go to that job is to have an appropriate chair. If we want people to be independent and productive members of society then we have to be willing to support their needs. For the lack of better words I am going to call this able-bodied privilege. When was the last time you had to ensure that your employer, your apartment, the restaurant you ate at last night had a bathroom that you could get into and use independently?
People. All of these things revolve around people. No two people are made the same. Why must we act as though what is right for one should be good enough for all?
I am not pointing fingers. Every time you point your finger at someone you have three other fingers pointing back at yourself. We all are guilty. So my “ask” for each of you is simple. Before you comment in person, in writing, or on social media stop and think. Are you stereo-typing? Are you applying the one-size-fits-all to people? Are you being biased even if unconsciously? Just because someone may not agree with your views or your opinions, does that make them less of a person? If someone doesn’t agree with you, does that make them less intelligent than you? To me, this is a great thing about being connected on social media. We can find like-minded people and we can find those that are different from us. We can hopefully have civil discussions about a topic. I love to know people that don’t agree with my point of view. I love to know why. What are your reasons? What research have you done? I want to hear what you have to say. All I ask is that you give me the same respect in return. At the end of the day we may agree to disagree and that is okay. If we can truly be open to other people’s views and ideas and knowledge it is then that we can grow as a person as a community and as our country.
Lastly, let me be the first to say that if I haven’t treated you with respect or listened to your ideas like I should have then I am sorry. I would love for a second chance to sit down and chat over coffee or a beer or simply over social media.
One final thought. If you are 18 it is your right, it is your privilege, and it is your duty to vote on November 6th. Show up and make your voice heard.
If you don’t know where to vote or what is required to vote, Google your secretary of state for whatever state you live in and find out.
Till next time, stay positive and shine on,
Deb
MomWifeWhatAboutMe 